Solitude and loneliness are different ….

You are all by yourself whether you are solitary or lonely, so outwardly it appears the same but there are some basic inner differences.

Solitude is a choice and in it, you enjoy your own company, butloneliness feels as if forced upon you and in it,you miss someone else’s company.  Solitude is blissful,  loneliness is sad and bad.  Solitude happens when you get along with yourself, loneliness happens when you don’t.

Let us look deeper.  We all have an inner environment and an outer environment.  The inner environment is closer to what we are – souls ; it relates to our consciousness – our thoughts, values and ideas.  The outer environment is entangled by what we have – possessions, problems and habits.

If we can change the inner environment of thoughts and attitudes, the outer environment changes.  This is so because our perceptions are dependent on how we choose to look at things. The world is the same for all, but to some it feels so enjoyably livable, to others at the same moment and may be even at the same place, it appears hostile and bereft of any joy. In fact, even to the same person the same world is not always the same. We find the world as we choose to perceive it. No observation is independent of the state of the observer’s mind – this is a great wisdom from the hoary Upanishads as well as an evolved finding in Quantum Physics.

Life indeed is inside out, not outside in.  There are conflicts without, only because there are conflicts within. Let us therefore understand the meaning of  ‘getting along with oneself’.

There is a lower self  in each of us. That is ego – the pseudo-soul, the body-identified, body-limited self-awareness. Then, there is a Higher Self  ; this is your true Self – the Soul. When the ego doesn’t listen to the Soul, as it is usually prone to do, there are inner conflicts. The senses and the sensory mind stand together – with their likes and dislikes, attachments and aversions, fears and prejudices, desires and anger, whims and bad habits, etc. They are the crowded Kaurava side in the inner Mahabharat – an evolutionary  battle within. The Higher Self of soul has enlightened reasoning on its side and also the good habits like introspection, calmness, yoga practice etc. as its few but good and mighty allies. They represent the Pandavas in the psychological war.

The two sides are engaged in a fierce battle, but once the ego is subdued, it starts listening to the wiser big brother.  As their friendship grows, and an inner harmonious communion starts, solitude gets more  enjoyable. 

But long before this happens, the ego –  deaf and hostile to the Soul as it is – turns away from it and feels lonely.  The soul is never lonely, it is like a sparkling diamond though,  it can get covered with the dust of ego and ignorance (Asmita and Avidya) and therefore, may fail to reflect its innate Light.

The soul cannot surrender to God until the ego surrenders to the soul first.  How can a disunited, inwardly-divided being surrender to its Source ?  It is really the ego that stands between soul and God i.e. the Super-soul, or the  Cosmic  Soul.

Now, many people are in a crowd yet can feel lonely ; they are sad and disarrayed inside. Many, similarly, can be silent and stay in a blissful solitude even when there is chaos and noise around them. This is a very exalted state.

Solitude corrupts into loneliness without inner silence. If we are not happy and peaceful within,  a good company (satsanga – company of sat or truth)  is better than forced solitude unless we handle it well by constructive  introspection, meditation etc.  Eventually, through long practice,  a happy, peaceful solitude in meditative awareness of the Supreme Bliss  is the best enjoyment of all.  Samadhi is that state.

My master, Shri Paramahansa Yogananda, author of the great spiritual classic ‘Autobiography of a Yogi’ and  other books like God Talks With Arjuna, The Second Coming of Christ, Man’s Eternal Quest, Journey to Self-Realization etc. ,  speaks thus on Seclusion (or Solitude) , and Silence :

“Seclusion is the price of greatness and God-realization. When I am alone I am with God. That is the way you should be.

Don’t mix with others too closely. Friendships do not satisfy us unless they are rooted in mutual love for the Lord. Our human wish for loving understanding from others is in reality the soul’s desire for unity with God. The more we seek to satisfy that desire outwardly, the less likely we are to find the Divine Companion.

Don’t joke all the time with each other. Be happy and cheerful inside. Why dissipate in useless talk the perceptions you have gained? Words are like bullets: when you spend their force in idle conversation, your supply of inner ammunition is wasted.

Your consciousness is like a milk pail: when you fill it with the peace of meditation you ought to keep it that way. Joking is often false fun that drives holes in the sides of your bucket and allows all the milk of your peace to run out.

You should sit in silence before deciding about any important matter, asking the Father for His blessing. Then behind your power is God’s power; behind your mind His mind; behind your will His will.

From the depths of silence the geyser of God’s bliss shoots up unfailingly and flows over man’s being.

Be with people in silence; don’t spend precious time and energy in idle talk. Eat in silence; work in silence. God loves silence.”

Let us cultivate inner silence and learn to enjoy our own company ; let there frequently be the bliss of solitude. It is alright to meet people sometimes, and then we should mix with them with all our heart’s love and goodwill, but to always seek human company and to be sadly lonely  when we don’t have it, is not healthy. We should be able to enjoy both work and leisure, both company and solitude. In the ultimate state of Nirvikalpa Samadhi, we can be in the world – busy doing all our duties and mixing with all kinds of people – but never for a moment lose the blissful company of the Cosmic Beloved.  ‘In the world, but not of it’, as my Master puts it.

 

– Hans Dholakia

Motivational Life Coach Online & Corp. Trainer

http://www.hansyoga.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Balancing Outer Activity With Inner Calmness..

Secrets of Self-Motivation – II

When there is a failure in any act, we do not fail, it is our effort that fails, our strategy fails.

Success should not bloat us with arrogance, not should failure depress us, because we are neither of them. We are souls – complete and blessed, here on earth only for a role-play in a cosmic drama or dream. We have nothing to gain here, nothing to lose.

Therefore, rightly perceived, even apparent failure can be a source of self-motivation. We should keep on keeping on.

Here is a one-minute video on self-motivation. It was nationally televised in India some time ago.

Secret of Self-Motivation – I

One of the secrets of ceaseless self-motivation is compassion and service. It must be selfless to be effective.

When we reach out to help others, our own soul-cup, by a divine rule, gets filled with joy. It is often called the Helpers’ High.

This is because while at the ego or lower self level, we are all apparently different and separate, deep down at the Soul or self level, we are all connected and united.

What goes out comes right back. 🙂

Here is a motivation-in-a-minute series video nationally broadcast on TV in India. Enjoy…

Obesity / Overweight : 5-point sure remedy

Obesity does make you look less attractive, but that really is the least of the damages it does.  A BMI of above 30 (your weight in kgs. divided by square of your height in mtrs.) can trigger many ailments like diabetes, cardiovascular ailments and even cancer.

So beat obesity before it beats you  :

• Get away from a sedentary life :  Exercise everyday. Medical science will never have a pill that can substitute exercise. Brisk walk, yogasana (esp. Surya Namaskar which is the world’s most time-efficient workout), light and regular gym, swimming, cycling, outdoor games etc will help.  For those who are overweight (BMI between 25 and 30) or already obese, 3 days or 4 days a week is NOT enough. Do one of these everyday. One good way can be brisk walk for 30-40 mts. in the morning and then yoga or cycling or some outdoor game in the evening – you can interchange it on various days to keep off monotony. If you have hypothyroidism, do yogic postures twice a day that bend the neck (the thyroid region) forward and backward.

• Eat right :  Right eating means 4 things : Eating right things (natural / seasonal food), right form (unpreserved, unprocessed), right quantity (much less than you can eat) and for right reason (need, not greed).   When we overeat, it is a business of loss. We spend more energy handling the food / eliminating waste than we draw from it. In stead of a big lunch and a giant dinner, have 3 to 5 small meals, at least two of these being fruits or fruit juice and some nuts like almonds / green salad or veg soup, but no cereals. Keep your last meal of the day early, 2 to 3 hrs before sleep. If possible, stay vegetarian, and certainly avoid red meat.  Avoid mixing fruits with cereals.

• Do Pranayama : Pranayama means control of the life force that does all bodily and mental activities, and although done through breath in yoga practice, it is really not breath control. . Yogic pranayama reduces both obessity and its other adverse effects. Most beneficial are Kapalbhati, Anulom Vilom and Bhastrika (this last one should be done very lightly for first few months – with gentle force – by obese people and must be done regularly).

• Avoid water with meals : Drinking water or soft drinks with or immediately after meals, especially junk food and fried/rich food, is the surest way to increase fat around the waist. Drink water about 90 mts after the meal. Also drink lukewarm water (start with ½ ltr.  and gradually increase amount) first thing in the morning.

• Be positive and think slim : If you entertain depressive thoughts, you will be more likely to binge. Happiness is a choice you make ; choose to be happy. Have good self-esteem, feel good about yourself and your uniqueness (everyone is unique !), keep busy with your work but avoid tensions, and while carefully avoiding overeating, if some times it does happen, stop feeling guilty – in stead, go for an extra long walk, play more and skip the next meal. Affirm everyday that you are getting slimmer by the day (if you practice these tips, you certainly will), visualize yourself with a leaner,fitter body and brighter face.

Take care  and take charge !

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De-mystifying Work-Life Balance …

Work-Life Balance has become some kind of a cliche, and the more it figures in our talks, the less we seem to have of it.

To begin with, the name itself is a misnomer. Work is a part of life, how can we balance a part with the whole and is it not vain and futile to even try to do that ? What is actually aimed at is a Work Life-Personal Life Balance.

But even that becomes unnecessary when we have the right attitudes, rooted in right values, which create right perceptions. We do not need to get the happy balance in our lives, we merely have to remove the unhappy imbalance that is there in our minds. Stephen Covey knows it when he says, ‘the way we look at the problems, is the problem’.

Imagine senior managers / executives being taken out to some natural resort and made to play some childish games, to develop team-spirit ; or people writing slogans to develop the so-called Work-Life Balance ! We should realize that so long as people do not get along with themselves (which they won’t until they take time to know and like themselves), they can never get along well with others.

It is all about Self-awareness. It is also a major clue to the problem of rising attrition. Nor is this balance about distributing hours ; with long working hours topped by an insane commuting time, how many hours can be spent with family anyway ? But love and care are matters of hearts, not just hours ; two people can stay together for a life-time and remain strangers. The key is, where quantity is lacking, quality can surely compensate.

Let us remember that it is not how long we work that stresses us, it is the reluctance with which we look at it and our inability to enjoy it with a happy role-playing detachment. Like the ocean in turmoil at the surface but calm and serene deep down, our outer activity has to be anchored in an inner tranquility. Our technology is giving us a crazy speed ; the inner sense of direction has to keep pace with it.

Unless we learn to do that, even our personal life, which we are trying to side with, in the name of work-life balance, will be a stressor – like at workplace, we shall have conflicts in personal life as we already do. Then, where shall we go ? Are we solutioning or escaping ? Unless we have balance in our values, balance in our mental attitudes, there can be no balance in our lives. We indeed become what we think. Unless we choose balance in our thoughts and aspirations, i.e. within us, how is there going to be one outside ? We indeed live ‘inside out’.

Work, like love, is probably the most beautiful expression of life – rightly done, it can be liberating. That can happen only when we bring our heart to our work and enjoy what we do – no matter how modest it may be ; that’s when the barriers between work and family will melt away ; conflicts may occasionally surface but they will always be manageable for a mind that is anchored within.

Life, my Master taught me, is a joyous battle of duty and at the same time a passing dream. We take our roles too seriously, with a crippling sense of doership, so we fail to play them well. To consider Work and Personal Life as opposites, and then try to balance them out, is a fallacy. It defeats itself.

We must stop working like slaves merely slogging for livelihood, which will inevitably happen when we work just for money. Money is not evil, but to work for money alone, certainly is. With that attitude there can neither be happiness at workplace, nor in personal life, nor can there be any way for a balance between these two negativities.

Work life and personal life are complementary to each other, not opposites. We do not need to balance them ; we need to balance our minds.